Loss
by WhitneyMcDonald
Summary: Decided to carry on this story.I just had an ideal for this to become longer.Now rated M. New Summary: It has been weeks since Brendan Brady was shot, with Steven Hay struggling to hold everything together.
1. Chapter 1

Loss

A unilluminated azure suffused every part of the cemetery. As a sorrowing widowed gentleman knelt beside an vandalized grave of a beloved partner. The day they parted,was the day they joined in holy matrimony. His freezing hand felt the darkened greenish colored grass,which surrounded his deceased partners final resting place. Plenty of unwanted, emotional strained tears came steaming from the depths of his blue colored scarred eyes. His emotional, figurative heart was shattering into more than a dozen pieces at the thought he was never going to be able to lay eyes on his beloved husband again. Not in this lifetime anyway. Possibly not in another lifetime, it's just fiction. Fiction he wish was true.

An emotional artificial shiver ran up his back, almost like someone slid their finger up his back. The shiver did not physically exist but in his broken downed mind, it existed as much as his visible hand before him. He felt a hand go on his shoulder,he almost gasped in fear however the smothering voice stopped the release of the ghastly voice projection that many project as soon as they are afraid.

Tony Hutchinson, the smothering voice belonged to. Tony was present in this late hour,because he was visiting his deceased beloved daughter Grace Hutchinson's grave. Tony collided his hands together, collaborating them together more. It was eleven at night after all, Tony expected to be alone. He did not expect to have to comfort somebody outside in the graveyard. Especially somebody who usually looks happy and full of life on the outside.

Tony breathed,before speaking. He was struggling to find the words.

"Are you okay?" he asked, as a last overused resort. It was a foolish question to ask, of cause the distressed man was not. He just lost the love of his life. He waited for an answer none the less.

"Yeah, thanks Tone" Steven Hay, replied so serious,yet he said it so you know it wasn't true. You knew it was a false answer, you knew that he was bottling up all his feelings.

"Do you want me to call somebody for you?" Tony then asked, he was desperate to call somebody who knows him a bit better,someone who could help him through his grief. Tony knew he wasn't the person who could make that goal. At times like this; it seemed unreachable.

"No phone calls" Steven replied,making the situation even more difficult than it already appeared to be.

"Well, staying out here is not going to do you any good" Tony reminded him,like that would work anyway. It was one of the worst possible things to say when your trying to help somebody. Of cause they know that,there not staying out here because they think its good for their health.

"I know,but being inside will not make me feel any better inside" Steven turned towards him,almost protecting the grave as he refused to let Tony come any further.

"I know mate, I know" Tony said,with a sigh. He really didn't,but what else what he meant to say to him,when he was almost determined not to do as he is told. His stubbornness was politically the reason for his determination not to do as requested,even when he knows its best.

"How do you cope?" Steven asked, he brought Tony to a dead-end. His previous reply was untrue, and he did not know how to emotionally lie to him,he was not a very sensitive person,nor was he was smart enough to make up a feeling of emotion.

"You forget,but you don't forgive" Tony said,now trying to explain his grief for his daughter. His and Stevens loss may be wired different,but they both lost a loved one no matter how different the love was, love is love after all.

"Forgive?" Steven asked,confused.

"You can forget how they died,you can forget how you felt the moment it happened,but you can't forgive who ever took them away from you" Tony was not a religious person,however he still believed some sort of force took away people's life's.

"Tony, I can't cope" Steven sniffed, as he stood up.

"Ste come back to mine;Holly and Cindy wont mind" Tony told him,as he felt he could not leave him there after their conservation.

"Thanks" Ste meekly replied,not bothering debating with Tony. He was too exhausted for that.

"We got to be quite though;Holly and Cindy need their beauty sleep" he said, making quotation marks with his two fingers when he said beauty sleep.

Steven walked with him,as they walked through the village, nobody is in sight. As all the villagers sleep peacefully in their homes. After around five minutes of walking,his house appeared. With Tony slowly unlocking his door.

So he did not awaken Holly and Cindy,who returned home after they admitted they could not live on top of that shop. Too cold and noisy were Cindy's exact words.

"You can sleep on the sofa" Tony told him,there were two bedrooms in the house. One of the rooms had a double bed,which now Tony slept alone in, the other one had two bunk beds which Holly and Cindy now sleep in.

"Thank you" Steven breaths,looking at Tony with a grateful look.

"I go and get you a blanket,and a pillow" Tony said,with a small smile.

Steven sat on the familiar sofa,looking across the living room. He shivers slightly,as he holds himself The emotional pain returns. Tony returns,holding a blanket and a pillow.

"You can take your shoes and jacket of Ste, I,m not expecting you to sleep like that" Tony says,making Ste smile for just about two seconds. No more,no less.

Ste slides out of his shoes,and removes his jacket passing it to Tony who hangs it up. Tony walks back over,putting Stevens shoes on the shoe rack next to Cindy's.

"Have you told Amy yet Ste?" Tony asked,now able to talk to him better and not be so cautious to how he replies.

"Course" Steven replied.

"Is she coming?" he then asked,he thought Amy may be able to help him.

"Yeah,she said she is coming with Leah and Lucas,so that be great I cant wait to see them" Ste said,he missed his children even more now. They were the apple of his eye, he regrets letting them go. He thought he should have fought harder,talk to Amy calmer instead of fighting with her like it was 2006. They were not teenagers anymore,it was time to grow up.

"Yeah,I bet they miss their daddy" Tony smiled,before standing up.

"Night then Tone" Ste said,putting his body across the couch,as he wrapped the sheets around himself more.

"Night Ste" Tony then replied,as he walked into his bedroom. He felt sorry for him,he was only young,just after his wedding it all goes to tatters. His wedding with Douglass Carter,was not as heartbreaking as his wedding with Brendan Brady.

His wedding to Douglass Carter,was based on wanting to be loved and wanting to be wanted itself. However his wedding to Brendan Brady was based on love one hundred percent,not to mention how special it was. Then Simon Walker, had to go and destroy it all. Not just the wedding,but his whole life.

Steven sniffed,as he tried to fall in a deep sleep. He thought about Brendan every night,however dreams about Brendan were never dreamt,or even acknowledged. Steven held the blanket.

His eyelid closed,as he went into a deep sleep.

Steven Hay,was awoken by the sound of the kettle beeping and a girls moaning voice.

"I told you mum, I swear to God I forgot about the after school detention" Holly groaned,Ste put his back against the sofa. Putting his hand on top of his head, as he yawned.

"In fact, I,m going out" Holly continued.

"Where?" Cindy asked.

"Just out" Holly replied, holding her jacket in her arm as she slammed the door behind herself, Cindy shook her head.

"Hey Ste, you okay?" Cindy asked, sitting on the chair that was meters away from the sofa.

"Sorry Cindy,I get out your hair" Ste said, sitting up feeling a bit tired as he rubbed his eyes.

"Ste,do you want a brew?" Tony asked,as he entered the kitchen.

"Oh its okay,I think I head out now" Ste said,in a grateful tone.

"Alright,going to work eh?" Tony asked.

"Yeah,Doug will be there anyway" Ste said,as he stood up.

"Not getting dressed?" Tony asked.

"I change when I get to the deli" Ste yawned.

"Hmm, Ste how is Chez?" Cindy asked him, she has not seen her friend since Brendan got shot by the notorious Simon Walker.

"She is okay, Seamus is looking after her" Ste hated when he uttered the word Seamus,it was a mystery how that horrible man outlived his precious Brendan. Its too cruel. Brendan was finally living his life happily enough that he was fine, not completely. Because of his fathers ghastly presence. He would never get over that, it was unforgivable.

Steven put on his jacket,putting on his shoes.

"Bye" he said,before leaving the house and walking out. As soon as the fresh air hit his face,he felt cold. His hands went all numb. His lips turned light crimson. His eyes searched across,to where he saw a familiar face.

It was Anne Minniver,she walked over. She was actually physically crying,she recently heard about Brendan, she had to come. Steven put his arms around her,as she wept in his shoulder. He was just silent,comforting her despite being more distressed.

They broke away,after three minutes. Anne then faked a smile,as she wiped tears away with her hand.

"Oh Ste,look at me crying you're the one who lost your husband" Anne sniffed,as she thought of Riley Costello,she knew how Ste was feeling. She also lost the love of her life. Who was also killed by the same man,in the same way.

"Its okay" he cried.

"I know when people say I know how you feel they don't mean it;but Ste I really know how you feel" she said with just devastation in her crackled voice.


	2. Chapter 2

Steven stepped in the delicatessen,his eyes went towards his ex husband Douglass Carter,who without noticing his presence was in a clinch with one of the people he dislikes,John-Paul McQueen. As soon as he caught onto him he pulled away,slightly embarrassed he caught him doing that.

"Ste, hey er, we were just er,how are you doing?" Doug asked sympathetically.

An awkward silence filled the air,Steven just lost the love of his life,on what was supposed to be one of the most happiest days of his life,seeing two people kissing was just a reminder of what he will never be able to endure with the man who was suppose to be with him now. The man who was taken away from him in such a cruel fashion. Shot dead outside the church he was,Steven can remember the people screaming outside,he can remember running out and leaping to the floor. His arms wrapped around Brendan Brady's corpse,his cries when the doctor told him the time of death,6:15. He will always remember that time 6:15. 6:15 his life changed for forever.

"I`m fine" is all Steven said, in a weak voice.

He was far from fine,he was the complete opposite of fine. His hatred for the man who took the life of Brendan,took over,he wanted him dead,he wanted to beat him to a pulp,watch him slowly suffer,and then make him watch himself die in the mirror;however something was metaphorically ringing in his ear. One word was eating him up,if he carried on this revenge attack on Simon Walker. How can you say its justice when the reason Simon killed Brendan was the same as Stevens reason for wanting him dead,where's the justice in that? No, it's not justice its revenge. The word Steven was thinking of was hypocrite, it was a word that described it if he went through with it. You cannot classify killing someone who killed somebody for the same reasons as you. It would not go down in any court,nor would any court agree with your defense.

"Look I need to go" Steven finally says,after thinking about the consequences if he proceeded this unjustifiable act. Naturally he wants him dead. He turned around to see a familiar,yet unwanted face. It was Kevin Foster. Steven was shocked and disgusted to see his face.

Steven was quivering as words cannot describe his disgust and rage at having to witness the sight of his face.

'Why?" is all that was spoken from Stevens trembling lips.

Kevin was completely frozen to the ground, speechless himself. In his head,Kevin played this scenario over and over. He was almost determined to go in there and tell him the two simple words, I`m sorry; however now he has to come face to face physically with him,he could not bring himself to speak or move. Kevin stepped back,his hand wrapping around the door handle,as it creaked open,he turned around. His legs dragging him away, he heard footsteps behind himself.

"I asked you a question" he heard the grieving man snarl at him,yet he sounded so weak.

Kevin turned around to him.

"I was not the one who killed him" Kevin spoke,it sounded so cruel and so childish. Childish because when children say I was not the one who did this,or that. They really mean, I just helped.

"You may as well of done" Steven replied,his voice sounding more serious. His tone made Kevin very nervous,he sounded like he was going to turn up the volume in his voice anytime now.

"Walker he beat me up" Kevin admitted,not like that would make any difference to this peculiar situation.

"My heart bleeds for you" Steven replied,with a hint of sarcasm.

"Listen,If I knew things were going to go this far,I never would have done it" Kevin was cut of,by Steven who cannot hold his anger in any longer.

"But you did! You did do it!" Steven yelled,furious that Kevin is trying to defend his own actions. You cannot justify lying about your uncle sexually abusing you to somebody who actually went through the brutal ordeal. You cannot justify lying about being raped,when you clearly know you didn't. Its appalling and Kevin knows it.

"I'm sorry" Kevin finally said the thing he came to say,he didn't know what else he could say.

"Your sorry! Is that all you can say!" Steven yelled again,this time pushing Kevin back,making him fall on the floor,his hands stopping him from falling completely over.

"I deserved that" Kevin said,as he stood up. Steven nodded,agreeing with him for the first time,and it will likely be the last.

"Where is he?" Steven asked, referring to Simon Walker. Revenge returned to his mind,when he pushed Kevin it made him feel better. Watching him suffer,for about ten seconds. He almost craves the thought of watching Simon suffer,his conciseness may not be able to take it however he still wishes to undertake the grilling task of killing Simon. His ugly head reared once again. One thing was on his mind, would he be able to go through with it?

He doubt he will be able to complete it,he might let him go because of his morals. Not only that but Leah and Lucas need their father in their life. Killing Simon means going to prison,Ste does not know whether he could deal with not seeing his daughter and son growing up. He will never be able to see their achievements first hand,never be able to meet their partners when they grow up,never seeing them get married,not seeing his grandchildren when there all grown up. His children might grow up hating him for leaving them. They wont even remember uncle Brendan,so they wont care about his reasons for being inside,they just see him as a good for nothing. Steven could not live with them thinking that.

"Never mind" Steven says,as tears fell down his cheek. He turned around,walking towards the club. Kevin watching him in confusion, his heart starts beating up rapidly like a drum being banged every second. He walked of,he was not going to willingly step back into this village,like many others it brought out the worst in him.

Steven opened the door to the club,as all memories surrounded it. The muffled dance music,the mindless chatter of the drunk customers along with their drunken laughter. A noise of breaking glass,even the sound of footsteps brought Steven right back to when he first kissed Brendan Brady. The smell of sweat and aftershave came of Brendan's toned body.

Steven stepped closer up the club stairs,tears swelling up his eyes. Killing Simon wont bring Brendan back,so he dismissed the revenge. For his children, and deep down for himself. He was not the murdering type,nor was he was going to risk everything just to be satisfied for an hour. He climbed up the stairs,to an empty club. He cant help but smile with tears when he lays eyes upon Brendan's grey blazer,which is laid across the bar. Brendan's scent is still coming from it,making Steven burst out in audible tears;as he breaks down with his back against the bar. His hand grabbing the blazer,his nose inhales the smell. For Steven now it was the best smell in the world,he closed his eyes.

His head going against the bar,the blazer being held onto tight as he tried to imagine that Brendan was here besides him. He felt a hand lock in his;however he was not afraid. As the hand moved up,putting its fingers through his dirty blonde colored hair. Stevens lips shook his name.

"Brendan"

The soft facial hair,went on his soft lips. Steven still with his eyes shut tight,he knew if he opened them,he be gone. The kiss was fragile and light; The kiss broke of after around three minutes,which seemed much longer.

"Brendan"

Steven still with his eyes shut,the feeling disappeared as unexpectedly as it appeared. He opened his eyes,to find it was just him in the room. He looked down,he was still holding tightly onto the grey colored blazer. He pulled himself up, feeling goosebumps on his arms after that strange,yet captivating moment. Brendan was still here with him,his presence was now lingering across the place which is used for late night entertainment. Steven walked down the stairs,not sure of what just happened.

He looked back,before walking moved out,shutting the door behind himself. He looked to his sides,half expecting to see Brendan. It was Brendan who just done that,nobody else could make him feel this.

"Brendan"

Steven could no help it,he felt himself craving for that moment even looked around.

"Brendan"

He spoke his name once again,Diane O Connor and Jen Gilmore looked over. All they saw was him saying his dead husbands name.

"Oh my God" Jen muttered in Diane's ear.

"Poor thing,he is going crazy without him;I don't think I ever meet anyone who I love as much as that" Diane replied,in a quite tone.

"Go and ask if he is alright" Jen told her,as they stopped.

"You do it" Diane whispered back.

"Go on" Diane added,pushing her a little.

"Hey,are you okay?" Jen asked cheerfully,Diane looking over with her eagle like eyes.

"Yeah" Steven replied simply.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Yeah" Steven repeated.

"Alright,well I`m going to get going,if you need to talk then you know where to find me yeah" she said,before retreating back to Diane.

"Well?" Diane asked.

"He said he was fine,but anyone who speaks to their dead husband is not fine" Jen hissed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author Notes: I was too scared to do my original ideal for this chapter,so this is re-written.**

Steven knocked repeatedly on the Bradys household,in which Cheryl Brady,Seamus Brady and Nate Tenbury-Newent now live;however Cheryl is not coping with her friend Stephanie Dean who died of cancer. Her grandmother Florence Brady who sadly died from cancer also. Her best friend Lindsey Nolan murdered. Now her brother Brendan Brady murdered. All in the space of two years. Not to mention her university friend Annalise Appleton recently leaving. Not just people leaving;but people who she thought she knew had kept secrets from her for years. Brendan coming out as gay in the first place,Brendan sleeping with her childhood friend Eoghan Nolan. The worst possible thing she had to witness her brother doing was chopping up Mick Dexter's body. She felt physically sick that night,refused to speak to Brendan for a couple of weeks until she realized how much she still loves him and can forgive him;losing all those friends made her want to hold onto her close ones tighter. Her father,her boyfriend,her remaining friends. All was not all lost however she could still call Annalise so that was aright really. Though she did miss her helping her out with her coursework. She last rang Annalise,when Brendan died. of cause she was saying how sorry she was,the usual words of sympathy. Nate put his arms around her,which made Seamus uncomfortable in all honestly. He does not like Nate;but no man is ever good for his little girl. It was not Nate,it was his high standards.

"Who is it?" Seamus asked,as they kept getting terrible people to their door. People just coming to say how glad they are Brendan is dead. Nobody who they know however just teenagers mainly who read about the Kevin rape story in the newspaper.

"Its Ste" Steven breaths.

When Steven and Brendan were getting married,Brendan was on a rape trial. They got married very quickly,before the worst happened. He was going down,they both knew this. Kevin deserved an Oscar for his performance in court,the way he went into the detail of what apparently occurred The judges were truly on his side,all Brendan could say was I did not do it,not exactly a good defence.

Steven and Brendan were looked down upon,on his last days. Brendan was even banned from the pub,as Frankie Osborne and Jack Osborne believed Kevin Foster and Maxine Minniver. Maxine got a lot of people on their side,including Nancy Osborne,Sienna Blake,Ruby Button,Esther Bloom,Liberty Savage. Most of the village with the odd few like Steven Hay,Seamus Brady,Cheryl Brady,Nate Tenbury-Newent,Leanne Holiday and Tony Hutchinson believing Brendan Brady. Everyone else was on Kevin Fosters side.

Sometimes Brendan and Ste hardly seen each other,so when court arrived. They just kissed passionately not caring who was walking by. It was the only time they could spend more than thirty minutes together,before Brendan had to go and sort out some unwanted attention,he was out all night sometimes as people kept him from going home until he admitted he done it. He just admitted it to get away from them. When court was taken place,their hands collaborated. It did not go down well. When they once kissed while the court was actually taking place. Their disgusted faces told them everything. Brendan to them was trash. No other word would fit the description.

Jim McGuinn done his part,trying to defend Brendan's actions best he could however he was just a laughing-stock to the judges. The crime was serious,yet the judges behaved like school children when anyone from Brendan's side came to the stand. Seamus Brady even stormed out when he was doing his speech. The reason was a question they asked. _Mr Brady,what do you think drives a man to do this?_ Seamus could not handle that,that was a question he been asking himself for years,and now he has to defend the man over an accusation that he plagued on Brendan for years. Well Seamus was giving out his speech,he just broke down. The case was not going down well,as he shouted and shouted at Kevin who was supposed to be the victim. Calling him every name under the sun. He even accused him of trying to attack Brendan. Kevin just being silent,as he took the abuse. The court would have kicked Seamus out but Seamus kicked himself out, no man would drag him out. No man would touch him like that,not again.

Seamus opened the door,he looked at Steven Hay,the man who loved his tortured son. He did not understand what Steven saw in Brendan,who could love someone like that?

"Steven" Seamus said simply,as he invited him in. Ste walked past him. The sight of the man sickened him.

Steven went into the kitchen,Cheryl looked over with Nate.

"Ste what are you doing?" Cheryl asked him,as he was looking in all the cupboards and drawers.

"I need bin bags" Steven replied,adding to their confusion.

"What for?" Cheryl asked,as he lifted the bin bags from the bottom drawers. Ripping one open before walking back to the living space.

"For his things" Ste said,before retreating quickly upstairs.

It took them around two minutes before they realized what he meant. Cheryl rushed up the stairs,followed by Seamus and Nate. He was here for one thing, Brendan's things. It felt like he did not care about Cheryl any more now her brother is dead,he seems to have no use for her. This was not the case however he is just depressed.

"Ste,what are you doing?" Cheryl asked,as she and the other men stood in the doorway. Nate felt like a spare part sometimes.

"Getting his things" Steven replied,chucking some aftershave he left over before he moved in. Brendan left some things in his previous room,he could not fit everything in his suitcase and could not be bothered to collect the rest.

"What about us Ste? You're not the only one grieving" Cheryl spoke,letting tears fall down her cheek. She felt Nate wipe them away with his thumb,she held onto his hand.

"Please Cheryl,let me take them" Steven replied,as he moved pass all three.

"Ste,give me back the bag and we can have a cup of tea" Cheryl replied nervously,putting her hand near the bag.

"No tea" Steven replied much to her frustration.

"Give me back the bag at least" Cheryl replied,keeping her anger in check. He was going through too much at the minute,shouting at him would not help the situation.

"No" he answered,as he held tighter on the dark coloured bin bag,his hands wrapped around the easily ripped material.

"Why don't you keep them for the night,then return them tomorrow?" Cheryl asked him like he was an child.

"Okay" Ste answered,he was not going to return them.

Ste walked down the stairs.

"I`m going to go now"

"Okay Ste,remember to bring them back tomorrow" Cheryl spoke,so gentle,opening up the door. Ste walked out,clutching onto the bag. He heard Cheryl lightly shut the door behind herself. He walked down the steps,his trainers lightly hit the concrete floor.

Everything seemed so calm, until he bumped into Mark Savage. He dropped the bag,something sharp ripped open parts of the bag.

"Oh mate, sorry" Mark said,as he knelt besides him. His hand goes to touch the wedding ring that fell of Stevens finger.

"Dont touch anything" Ste hissed at him,putting the ring back on.

"Sorry" Mark said,with a insensitive hint of sarcasm.

"Look,you ripped it now!" Steven snapped at him.

Mark stood up.

"Fine then,pick them up on your own,husband of a rapist" Mark cruelly said,before leaving.

Steven caught his own tears then,even when Brendan is deceased people still badmouth him,talk about things they don't know about. His eyes looked on at the ring which he refuses to take of,even when he is in bed. He is convinced somebody will swipe it,when Brendan was in his coffin. Ste asked for his wedding ring to stay on,the vicar agreed after thinking about it.


End file.
